Ode to Vampire

In another time, I might have been yours.

A breath, a bite, a heartbeat,

I would have given you my last.

Somewhere else, another place, in a different world,

We may have loved.

You could have had all of me.

You would have drank me, tasted me, possessed me.

Here and now, I cannot touch you or feel you,

Yet you still drain me.

How do you consume me, my thoughts, my dreams,

My soul?

Today I am haunted by your shadows, your suggestions,

The ghosts of possibilities.

Like the demon dogs you would send to corner me,

Regrets of yesterdays nip at my heels.

I am tormented,

Taunted by your unattainable kiss.

I reach for you, I seek you, I summon you,

I cannot have you.

I am alone, with only my reflection.

In another life,

You and I would have been eternal.

Untitled

Chasing after lost room keys
And discontinued cologne.
Whimsical sentiments
And familiar complications.
Tequila shots
And thin ice.
Country music
And loaded glances.
Fulfilling fantasies
And good intentions.
Sleeping on the wrong side of the bed,
And dreams of Salsa dancing.
I didn't want to wake up.

Yes is a Character Flaw

I am a Yes Woman, a people pleaser. I can quickly become a doormat. I give too much. I must surround myself with honest and loyal friends, ones who will not take advantage of me. I live in fear of rejection and inadequacy. Won't you love me? Validate me? Accept me? Make me feel special? Can't I feel valuable? I just want to belong. I will do whatever you ask, jump at the chance to please you. I cower in confrontation, lose my nerve, lose my tongue. I settle for less, I am weak. Where is my backbone? My confidence? How did I become so afraid and insecure? I want to stand tall, feet firmly planted. I want to say no and not feel anxiety about it. And I want you to love me for saying no. Respect my boundaries, appreciate my resolve. I want my own opinion. I need to get off of these coat tails. How could this happen? I always considered myself brave and independent. Why does approval mean so much to me? When did I become such a peon? I must pick myself up, dust myself off. Find the source of the problem, I must make changes, get my spine back! I must say NO!
But what if I'm not likable? Embraceable? What if you no longer like me? What if I am alone? What then?

Manifestation

Rolling off the edge into the abyss of Fantasy.
Manifestation.
Free fall.
Making love in the murky depths of delusion,
Writhing in ecstasy.
Reality is marred.
Darkness swallows me.
Scrambling for a handhold,
Pulling myself up,
The brightness of truth blinds me.
Struggling with acceptance,
Succumb in faith.
Forgiveness swaddles me.
Rebirth.