I am restless
Hungry
I need it
Pacing
I can't have it
Skin crawling
Vivid dreams
I am writhing
Frustration
I am angry
Nails scratching
Hair pulling
Bruises
Searching
I am stumbling
Perspiration
Give in to me
Succumb
Panting
Moaning
Screaming
Out of breath
I am running
I am insane
Struggling
Wrestling
Stop me
Restrain me
Hold me
Tighter now
Keep me safe
Tuck me away
Cherish me
Soothe me
Save me
Monday, August 31, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
Ignorance/ Karma
You are ignorant.
You think you know,
But you know not.
Selfish,
A slave to insecurity,
Ruled by fear,
Shallow.
I recognise you,
You are weak.
I feel pity for you.
I pray the lessons
You must learn
Do not fall on deaf ears
Or meet blind eyes.
I pray for your growth.
I hope that some day
You will comprehend.
Live each day
Like your last.
Take nothing, no one
For granted,
No matter how small.
Life is short,
Precious.
Treat others how you
Would like to be treated.
What comes around
Goes around,
And justice is not kind.
I fear for you,
I feel pity for you.
You are ignorant.
You think you know,
But you know not.
Selfish,
A slave to insecurity,
Ruled by fear,
Shallow.
I recognise you,
You are weak.
I feel pity for you.
I pray the lessons
You must learn
Do not fall on deaf ears
Or meet blind eyes.
I pray for your growth.
I hope that some day
You will comprehend.
Live each day
Like your last.
Take nothing, no one
For granted,
No matter how small.
Life is short,
Precious.
Treat others how you
Would like to be treated.
What comes around
Goes around,
And justice is not kind.
I fear for you,
I feel pity for you.
You are ignorant.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Hopeless Romantic
Is it possible to have too much love to give? To be too full of love? I am overflowing with no outlet. All I have wanted is to love and be loved. Maybe it is a fairy tale, something that people dream about... to love and be loved in the capacity I am capable of. Maybe it is an impossible dream, to give myself to one so completely, entirely. But I end up intimidating, scaring and overwhelming . Is there anyone capable of handling my love? My passion? I want to give, in mind, body and spirit. I will spoil my Love with compliments, gifts, sweet nothings, surprises. I love to do these things, it makes me giddy with excitement. Love notes in the shower, cards in the car, special birthdays, impromptu travels, let's make love in the rain! Let me scheme and plan for you, cook for you, let me do for you. I want to make you happy. It comes so naturally to me, so easily to me.
I must be too much, I must overwhelm. The hopeless romantic, ready to give love so easily. Where does love lie? Why can't it be mine? How is it I have so much to give and yet it is never easily received or returned? I have no where to put this love, it's a force I struggle with every day, my heart aches with it, breaks with it. Do I love myself? Romance myself? Ah yes, I do do that. I treat myself, spoil myself, adore myself, I do love myself. I think I am worthy of such love. But one can do that for just so long before the longing for touch and companionship becomes too great to ignore. I want to be held, caressed, kissed. I want to share my giddiness, my silliness, my romance and passion. I feel as though I am imprisoned in my love. My love and passion are my battlements, an intimidating wall keeping me inside. Will there ever be someone strong enough, brave enough to set me free? Yet when set free I am a hurricane of passion and love, my force ends up destroying, I am too much. Nothing can contain me. Nothing can hold me. No one is strong enough.
I must be too much, I must overwhelm. The hopeless romantic, ready to give love so easily. Where does love lie? Why can't it be mine? How is it I have so much to give and yet it is never easily received or returned? I have no where to put this love, it's a force I struggle with every day, my heart aches with it, breaks with it. Do I love myself? Romance myself? Ah yes, I do do that. I treat myself, spoil myself, adore myself, I do love myself. I think I am worthy of such love. But one can do that for just so long before the longing for touch and companionship becomes too great to ignore. I want to be held, caressed, kissed. I want to share my giddiness, my silliness, my romance and passion. I feel as though I am imprisoned in my love. My love and passion are my battlements, an intimidating wall keeping me inside. Will there ever be someone strong enough, brave enough to set me free? Yet when set free I am a hurricane of passion and love, my force ends up destroying, I am too much. Nothing can contain me. Nothing can hold me. No one is strong enough.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Luna
Orb of Night,
It exudes power.
It moves me.
Absorbing beams,
I am drunk from the energy.
Soaking in soft light,
I am serene and full of spirit.
It heals me.
It exudes power.
It moves me.
Absorbing beams,
I am drunk from the energy.
Soaking in soft light,
I am serene and full of spirit.
It heals me.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Peggy Sue Bridge
That kiss,
THE kiss.
We were friends.
Just friends.
I teased you.
I tempted you.
On the bridge.
I pretended to lose my balance.
You caught me.
You were behind me.
Holding me.
With a tilt of my head,
I bared my neck,
I felt your kiss.
Unexpected.
It touched every part of me,
Radiated through me.
I fell that day,
For your kiss,
For you.
THE kiss.
We were friends.
Just friends.
I teased you.
I tempted you.
On the bridge.
I pretended to lose my balance.
You caught me.
You were behind me.
Holding me.
With a tilt of my head,
I bared my neck,
I felt your kiss.
Unexpected.
It touched every part of me,
Radiated through me.
I fell that day,
For your kiss,
For you.
My Beloved
For you my heart overflows,
My love is unending.
If you could see for a moment,
How much you mean to me,
It would change you forever.
Sometimes my love for you scares me,
I am afraid something
will happen to you.
I worry that something
Will take you away from me.
Everything we do together means more
Because I am doing it with you.
You mean everything to me.
For you my heart overflows.
My love is unending.
If you could see for a moment,
How much you mean to me,
It would change you forever.
Sometimes my love for you scares me,
I am afraid something
will happen to you.
I worry that something
Will take you away from me.
Everything we do together means more
Because I am doing it with you.
You mean everything to me.
For you my heart overflows.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Dark Child
I'm a teenager and I hate my life. I am stuck in this fucked up house with the anger and the suffocation. I have ripped out a place for myself in this little town of oppression, doing all that I can to scream my frustration without saying a word. Why are people so stupid, so selfish? Can't they see me? They don't understand.
I try to flee from the madness in my house and end up neck deep in something that could scar me even more. My schoolmates just don't get it, with their perfect little households, ideal parents, good grades and extra curricular wonders. I hate the smiles, the fakeness of it all, am I the only kid in this town that is real?
If you look, you can find me; I have locked myself in my room with my headphones on so I can't hear the screaming. I took the screen out from my window and I sit on the sill, half in and half out of my window, blowing cigarette smoke at the stars, wishing I could just jump down and run away.
God I resent the wholesome boys and girls at school, I'm sure they go home and do their homework like good little soldiers, Mommy and Daddy standing behind them with a proud hand on their shoulder. All I get is grief; I get a foil packet of chicken leftovers flung at me down the hall by the wicked witch in the kitchen who's had too much poison tonight. And they wonder why I never want to be home, and they wonder why I skip classes to hang with the naughty boys, validating my reputation as loser and trouble maker. At least I am somebody, I am something, and I have an identity after all.
My friends are like me, ruined homes, and troubled souls, destined to make our mark in the world with a fist or a can of spray paint.
I try to flee from the madness in my house and end up neck deep in something that could scar me even more. My schoolmates just don't get it, with their perfect little households, ideal parents, good grades and extra curricular wonders. I hate the smiles, the fakeness of it all, am I the only kid in this town that is real?
If you look, you can find me; I have locked myself in my room with my headphones on so I can't hear the screaming. I took the screen out from my window and I sit on the sill, half in and half out of my window, blowing cigarette smoke at the stars, wishing I could just jump down and run away.
God I resent the wholesome boys and girls at school, I'm sure they go home and do their homework like good little soldiers, Mommy and Daddy standing behind them with a proud hand on their shoulder. All I get is grief; I get a foil packet of chicken leftovers flung at me down the hall by the wicked witch in the kitchen who's had too much poison tonight. And they wonder why I never want to be home, and they wonder why I skip classes to hang with the naughty boys, validating my reputation as loser and trouble maker. At least I am somebody, I am something, and I have an identity after all.
My friends are like me, ruined homes, and troubled souls, destined to make our mark in the world with a fist or a can of spray paint.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
SEA
I have seen you.
I have seen the beauty of you.
I married your beauty.
I know it lies in there, the purest, kindest, happiest beauty.
Darling you got lost.
Remember Seattle?
Our day and then our dinner?
We had such a great time.
But there were times when you were distant.
After dinner while waiting for the shuttle I longed for you to warm me, to hold me.
Where were you?
I wanted your arms around me.
I have yearned for your presence in body and mind for too long.
I see your love, I feel your love, I know your love is there.
I beg of you, conquer what you must, but come back to me.
Return to me renewed, tap into that love for us, for it comes back two fold.
Hurry my love, I have missed you.
I have seen the beauty of you.
I married your beauty.
I know it lies in there, the purest, kindest, happiest beauty.
Darling you got lost.
Remember Seattle?
Our day and then our dinner?
We had such a great time.
But there were times when you were distant.
After dinner while waiting for the shuttle I longed for you to warm me, to hold me.
Where were you?
I wanted your arms around me.
I have yearned for your presence in body and mind for too long.
I see your love, I feel your love, I know your love is there.
I beg of you, conquer what you must, but come back to me.
Return to me renewed, tap into that love for us, for it comes back two fold.
Hurry my love, I have missed you.
My Place of Peace
I walk the path of dirt
Along the canyon's edge.
My steps are soft,
Each with its own puff of dust.
The tang of sage and juniper
Hangs in the air.
I take my perch
And gaze out over the Earth.
Looking to the sky
I see the clouds have broken,
They make a patchwork of shadow
Along the canyon's floor.
The beauty of the land
Is hard earned,
Cracks and Crevices
Tell tales of lifetimes past.
A lone hawk rides the wind's torrent,
Spreading it's wings in the heat of the sun.
The river below moves me, runs through me.
The desert is in me,
As I am in it.
Along the canyon's edge.
My steps are soft,
Each with its own puff of dust.
The tang of sage and juniper
Hangs in the air.
I take my perch
And gaze out over the Earth.
Looking to the sky
I see the clouds have broken,
They make a patchwork of shadow
Along the canyon's floor.
The beauty of the land
Is hard earned,
Cracks and Crevices
Tell tales of lifetimes past.
A lone hawk rides the wind's torrent,
Spreading it's wings in the heat of the sun.
The river below moves me, runs through me.
The desert is in me,
As I am in it.
Inferiority
I feel as if I'm not good enough,
Must I compare myself to your ideal?
The criticism is just too much,
How do you expect me to feel?
Can I do anything right?
Will there always be something you see?
Can there ever be a time
That you will accept me for me?
Try as I might
With each turn I take,
Will I ever be right
In the decisions I make?
In your shadow I live,
From your mistakes do I learn,
If you could just see,
It's your acceptance I yearn.
Must I compare myself to your ideal?
The criticism is just too much,
How do you expect me to feel?
Can I do anything right?
Will there always be something you see?
Can there ever be a time
That you will accept me for me?
Try as I might
With each turn I take,
Will I ever be right
In the decisions I make?
In your shadow I live,
From your mistakes do I learn,
If you could just see,
It's your acceptance I yearn.
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