The Fix

Itching.
Scratching,
Picking.
Tearing off little shreds
Of my dignity.

Curled up in a ball,
Clutching my heart.
In limbo.
Aching.
Afraid.

Fearing the what ifs,
Hanging out on every corner.
Those intimidating,
Brass knuckled what ifs.
Waiting to beat me down again.

Spinning,
Turning,
Round and round.
Pacing,
Back and forth,
Wearing holes in my mind.

Desperately seeking answers,
Like an addict to the slums,
I get nothing but misery,
But keep coming back for more.

Weak,
Scared,
Undecided.

Can't you see me?
I'm on my knees again.
Fucked up in my head again.

Hurting you,
Hurting me.

My questions,
Still unanswered.
No fix,
No relief.