Oh Ovid!

I love him and I cannot seem to find him. -Ovid

This little tidbit inspired me to write. Is there "One" special love out there for each of us? Is there "One" that we are destined to be with?
I have sought the "One" for many years. I know what he would be like, the qualities of his heart, his soul, his mind, his depth, his kiss, his touch, and the energy between us. I have found a few possibilities, only to discover for one reason or another that they were unattainable. Either I have looked when I had no business looking or it just wasn't meant to be. I will never forget them, in fact I keep in touch with them, never straying too far. They enrich my soul and they torture me at the same time.

In my search, I found love, but it wasn't what I considered the "One". When I found him, my particulars didn't seem important anymore. I wasn't concerned with the fact that we didn't connect on the many levels that I had felt were so necessary. It just didn't seem important at the time. I felt rushed. I heard my heart's warning and ignored it.
Today, we still have very little in common, we share no spiritual connection, no depth. It's as if we are on different planes, separate levels of sorts, worlds apart. Yet we do love one another and have proven we can be happy together. I am satisfied to a certain extent, but I do not feel fulfilled, I still feel incomplete. I feel as though when I share myself, things that are truly me, thoughts, feelings, ideas, actions, these things fall on deaf ears. There is a lack of understanding. I feel as though my love just doesn't get me and I wonder if he feels the same.

I look back now and see if only I had been more patient, more choosy, more careful, I never would have chosen this match for myself. I hate that I think this way, I feel low, it's undeniably unfair. But like I said before, we do have love and we have known happiness. So what is my problem? The grass is always greener on the other side? We want what we can't have? Is it selfishness? Insecurity? A God sized hole? Why do I feel incomplete and why do I feel like no one knows me? Why do I still want more? Or is love what you make of it?

On the other hand, I am afraid that these ideas are bullshit, that there isn't that "One" special love destined for us at all. What if, any of the times I felt that special connection, it was just something I had manifested? I worry that I am simply my own worst enemy, making life harder for myself. I fear that I currently have the best love in the world and I am choosing to ignore it. What if it's just my perception that is marred? What if I am a fool, shallow in my search for depth? The hopeless romantic, chasing something that doesn't exist.

Consider this: I read once that when we give up searching for the love outside of ourselves and when we learn to love ourselves and give ourselves that unconditional love and appreciation that we seek, that True Love will finally reveal itself and roll in ecstasy at our feet. And only then will we be prepared to share ourselves with another.

Love steals into our hearts, as it where, by habit; by habit also we can school ourselves to forget it. If you can pretend you're cured, cured you will be indeed. - Ovid

What do you think?